The missing puzzle...

The other day

me talked to me mum on the phone,

and me tears was welling up,

and soon me face was wet.

As wet as you just washed

your face.

But me did not tell her

that me is depressed.

Me just said me was tired.

Me just,

somehow

suddenly

miss her so much.

And me thought bout me dad,

all the sacrifices he made

for the family.

How he had spent so much helping me brother,

settling worthless matters.

And also the education bills

he has been paying for I.

They have done a lot for

the three of us.

Though it was obvious

some of the money they spent

was unnecessary to help him,

he is also their child.

Thus, me understand their situation.

No parents will leave their child

ALONE

when the child is weary and down

or when the child is in deep shit.

Good parents are those who stick around

to make sure you

are all right.

They do not abandon you

even if you have done something

real nasty.

They are willing to forgive

and accept you as a human

because human make mistakes.

Me know there is bitterness

in me parents towards I.

But me also know,

they have given me all they can

and me can never ask for more.

Me miss the times,

when me mum and me go to

gurney drive for a walk

before she sent I to school

at 7:25am.

That was about 6 years ago...

At least, me have a heart,

a warm heart.

I love my parents very much

and I miss our memories.

I just wish I could

turn back time

and make all things well...

These memories are so sweet

and I fear that they

will be lost,

gone,

disappeared,

forgotten.

I do not want to see

a missing puzzle in an otherwise,

perfect picture.

Good Morning, Penang

As me was driving aimlessly

on the roads of Penang...

me wish to be a child again...

innocent and simple and bliss.

Though me childhood was not

as pleasant as me wish it to be,

being a child has less worries.

Compared to

being in the fast-paced society,

where competition exists in

almost every corner...

When we awake in the morning,

we rush to do our routines.

We never take time to bask in

the beauty of nature.

We let time slip by,

day after day

engulfed in the pressure of work

and besieged in the hustle

and bustle of life.

And we miss out the best part of life...

When the morning comes...

When you are torn and broken from

someone who have caused you pain,

remember when the morning comes,

your tears will be wiped away...

There is hope, when

the morning comes.

As I spent the morning around town,

I embraced the peace,

stillness, calmness

and a touch of joy.

I watched the sunrise,

had a great breakfast,

read the newspaper,

went to the beach

alone.

Times alone,

allows me to ponder my psyche,

recollect memories I once was fond of,

and just be myself.

(when there's people around,

we tend to behave in a way

to please them)

Anyway, this morning

I took some pictures

with my camera phone

and though the quality is not as good,

please enjoy...

Pix

Super demanding...

She loves coming into my room...

but she never simply rummage my stuffs.

That's the special trait she has.

Little is she but

she respects others' privacy...

Lovable...

The queen in the house

There is no better blessing

than children running in the house.

Since the birth,

Jereni has been a blessing to everyone

around her.

She can be very mischievous

but she knows how to melt your heart.

A quick-tempered person??

You'll lose it for this child.

The Honey & The Bee

honeybee...

Another day...

The bee is waiting for the honey

who will be late today

because there's a lot of work

right now in the office.

Though the bee hates to admit it...

(because it may sound silly)

she misses him so much already.

The bee merely had a blur vision of the honey

as he left early this morning

while she was still half asleep on the bed

and he kissed her goodbye.

The last the bee saw the honey in flesh and blood

was last night

after the first match of

THE CONTENDER.

Came back from Kumon,
showered and all clean.
Kinda tired today,
maybe it's that time of the month.
Maybe it's just exhaustion
from work.

And I'm thinking of children.

The kids in Kumon,

some are cute and some are cheeky.

Some are mischievous, yet adorable.

Some are beautiful, I can't get my eyes of them.

I love to see beautiful children.

They are just so blessed,

and so are their parents.

I also enjoy seeing bright students.

They are so blessed,

and so are their parents.

Sometimes, I feel like wanting my own child

but it's just way too heavy a responsibility

for me.

How am I to handle them when

I'm still so much keen to

continue my studies?!

I know God has a plan for me

and I just have to abide to it.

And I will prosper in the ways He has promised.

There is no better planner than God

because all His plans are good.

Amen!

I'm trusting in Him that

He will show me His ways,

His perfect,

wonderful,

ideal,

ultimate,

best

ways

for me in this life.

Thank you, Lord.

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Valedictorian 2005

Me just received

a phone call from KDU Registry.

Saying that

me was selected as the VALEDICTORIAN for this year.

Dr. Cheah did mention that

the award is based on

academic excellence and active participation in activities.

So, me know what me was

evaluated on but

me do not know what

is the prize of the award.

But me is happy,

contented,

satisfied,

relieved,

blissful,

glad,

delighted,

thankful to me God,

praising me Heavenly Father now

for all these rewards.

Me know something good

is going to happen in me life.

Me is trusting God

for His plans are perfect and good.

With God

all things are

POSSIBLE!

amen!

Psalm 86:11

Teach me Your way, O Lord
and I will walk in Your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear Your name.

Dithering mind...

First choice, was Taylor's College

but have to do 2½ years.

Monash Malaysia, can get

into the 2nd year.

Now I don't know what

to do.

I am in the process

of applying for jobs.

But I do not have the heart

to embark in the working world, as yet.

Nevertheless...

all that is happening now

is not on my side to fulfil

my desire to pursue my studies.

I don't even know which institution

to start with...

I don't even know what

to do now.

How much more time

do I have to waste

just waiting.

Giving continuously for something reaping

no result, they would.

Investing in my education, they have been

questioning much.

Did I not do well in my studies?

Did I not get the Best Student Award?

Wasn't my CGPA 3.955?

What was all these efforts for?

When I've proven my capability

and they kept persuading me to stop here...

No point going further, they would say.

It is just unfair

that you know you deserve it

and they just refuse to listen to your case.

Sunday... sunday... Monday...

Sunday morning... was once again refreshed by the message from Pastor. Week after week, I'm convicted by the message and I know I ain't perfect and I need to change. Change to be like Jesus Christ who is my Perfect Model...

**munching Twisties as I type this...**

After the service, we went to McD's for take-away. After lunch, had a short nap, showered then went to our favourite hair salon for a trim. Reached there bout 4pm, and the place was kinda packed and we left at 5.45pm.

**still munching Twisties...**

Watched The Apprentice at 11pm, the task was to create a marketing plan for Nescafe's Tasters' Choice and execute the plan. So, the target market is definitely people who drink coffee or love caffeine. Thinking back to the Season 2 episodes, where they were asked to create ice cream and sell it, they did not identify the target market. I personally feel, identifying who you are selling to is very important, otherwise, the product or service is not selling to anyone at all...
For example, the ice cream episode. They created the ice cream according to their personal choices. I think they should create the ice cream with reference to the preference of the target market. To identify the market, they have to decide the location and pinpoint the people who will be around that area at the time they are selling the ice cream. To me, identifying the target market is very important to make a business grow because without these customers, there is no business...
Anyway, there was really no one else to take the blame for Magna Corp. but Danny alone (the project manager). But, was really impressed with the "Hot or Cold" big idea by Net Worth Corp. Street-smarts are smart indeed... =P

**still munching Twisties but the last piece...**

Anyway, woke up early today... Went to Tesco alone, for some groceries. I prefer to shop alone, sometimes, because I get all the time to myself. Don't have to wait for mum to get ready, or wait for sis to choose her favourite drinks. I just go, look, grab, pay and leave. Bought Cleo magazine too, and guess what... I saw our course mate, Ke Sin, in the Reader Road Test section. Way to go girl. Internship with ACP, brings benefits after all eh? =D
I've got an appointment with two of my high school mates at 4pm later. Haven't seen them for a long long time. But we do keep in touch on MSN, better than nothing... Going to Gurney Plaza AGAIN... There is no where else to go in Penang, it seems... But at least, get to shop a bit, have a drink or something... There is a long stretch of food outlets. Gonna really grow with all the carbs and fats consumption without enough calory burn-out.
All right, cut the crap bout weight and fat and urgghh! What is it with women and their calory calculator? It's all bout the skinny pressure... because you are in a group of gals that are skinny, doesn't mean you have to be. Just be healthily fleshy. It's nice to have flesh in all the right places. Just don't go from busty to beanpole... **lol**

birthday bash...?

Has been crazy over Star Wars recently. Had bought all the Star Wars episodes. So, to preserve the surprise, I reluctantly suggested on Tuesday to watch the "Revenge of the Sith" the following Wednesday to take advantage of the RM6 movie day deal. But on Wednesday, I secretly went to buy the 6pm show on Friday.
When the birthday card was received, there was the surprise... I just cannot explained the satisfaction that overwhelmed me when I see the joy in the person so special to me.
After the movie, we went for dinner at The Ship Batu Ferringhi. Had Black Pepper Steak (RM30 something) while I took Lobster (Grilled/Cheese) (RM128). Whose birthday was it again? Wasn't mine but I ate like it was my birthday. Anyway, has always given me the best. Although was allergic to seafood, helped me with some of mine coz I couldn't finish the big-damn thing. It was HUGE! I was highly cholesterol fed and not to mention the fattening ChEeSe! But I must honestly say that I did enjoy the delicious, sumptuous meal. On top of that, it's an extravagant dinner with someone so special. I ate like a princess though it's not my big day... Hmm... so, I'm like a princess everyday, even on ordinary days. There's no A BIG DAY for me because everyday is big day for me... *chuckles*
Oh, Lord... I'm so blessed. What more can I say... There's nothing more to ask... I'm contented *huge grin* Love is never explained best, but it was excellently explained in the bible, 1 Corinthians chapter 13 (where the definition was outlined). There is not greater love than the love of God. So, we can only love others when we have the love of God in us and like a vessel, the God's kinda love flows out of us to the people whom we love.
Anyway, reached home tired last night. Rest a bit on the bed and fell asleep. But woke up about half an hour later to shower. After shower, I don't remember having any thoughts.. Just conked.

just not me...

Last nite, me talked to me mum about the loan. Me doubt me mum understood what me meant but never mind. Me do not have the peace to talk to me dad (the key decision maker). So, me just scrapped the idea of discussing the loan thingy with me dad. Me just do not have the heart to burden them...
This is the alternative for I... Apply for Taylor's December intake, get the offer letter then apply PTPTN loan. Meanwhile, get a job in an advertising firm for experience. If PTPTN is approved and the money will be released in time for the December intake, me willl quit the job in November then go for the Undergraduate course. Otherwise, just continue to work...
So, just leave it to God and He will work things out for I. Me cannot foresee the future, so me cannot make any wise decisions by me self.
This is again, me plans... the final outcome still depends on what God has instored for I. At the moment, me is enjoying work at Kumon with some adorable and some uncontrollable kids. Going for the evening class later and me took leave for tomorrow because it's a date that mark the birth of a very special someone to I. So, the whole day tomorrow is reserved =)
Me is looking out the window at the moment and me see the rain, so soft and gentle... Thank God for the rain. I recalled how dry it was from January to March. It never rained during the period me was doing me internship (Jan-Mar). So never worried that have to go under the rain after work to get the car, coz me parked the car at the back lane, which is free of charge. Typical thrifty I... Then, me also remembered how brownish the water was for a few weeks...
Thus, me really thank God for the rain. Thank God that the ecosystem is still replenishing and the life cycle is still functioning...
Thank you, Lord, for the rain and also the sun. Thank you, Lord, for the air. Thank you, Lord, for the breath you breathe into me daily that when I open my eyes, I catch the glimpse of the morning hope. Thank you, Lord.

Morning... Morning...

As Kumon is not opened on Wednesdays, me have spent the whole morning settling some personal matters. Sometimes, it's good to have time off from work. A li'l relief from kids' antics - some can be very annoying and some can be very uncontrollable... =) But me still love kids. They can make you smile, even with their irritating behaviours, sometimes it brings smiles =D
Me woke up at 6am, got ready and fetched Amanda at a li'l past 7am. Went for breakfast at McD's (Sunrise). Me had Sausage McMuffin set with coffee, while she had McEgg Muffin set with tea. Had some great time chatting with Amanda though she did more of the talking *yak yak yak* while me was more of a listener-kinda-communicator.. haha.. (Don't ask I, what type of communicator is that!!? Me have no idea!) Anyway, we settled some qualms bout Taylor's College (Amanda had some WORRIES, and me nearly puked blood when me chat with her on MSN yesterday), got her results so that me could pass them to Ms Gladys (Taylor's Penang office).
Me dropped Amanda off to work at 8:45am then went straight to KDU to clear the caution fee and for the Best Student Book Prize Award '05, me went to bursary to pay [what? need to pay?! but it's an award, isn't it? =( ridiculous...] the pathetic RM10 for the photo shots. Though the prize is a RM100 book voucher, it's actually only RM90. Well, KDU being KDU...
The latest news in KDU --> staffs are resigning... ALL the library staffs are NEW! The staffs in the academic departments are also leaving one after another. Wonder what is happening. Well, I'm done with KDU anyway *phew* =p
Then, me headed to UOB to enquire bout the Education Loan. Then, Ms Janice (Senior Executive of Personal/ Retail Commercial Loans & Personal Financial Services) recommended me the Home Loan. This way, the interest rate is much lower. It's an attractive deal, but this also means me parents have to sacrifice for I by re-mortgage the house. The house that was debt-free... Will talk to them about it... later.
After that, me proceeded to Taylor's office. Paid for the 2 PTPTN forms (one for Amanda and one for me self), handed Amanda's results, and realised me did not submit me SPM results. So, me have to bring the results the next trip. Asked a list of questions and found out that the entire course will cost about RM40k because me will only be exempted for ½ years. *twinkle* Monash Malaysia is also about that amount... Hmm... Me decision is shaken, need to recollect and re-analyse. Since Amanda is going down to KL to check Monash out, will dig up some details from her when she returns. Was thinking of going to the 2 campuses and have a look for me self, but too dangerous to go alone. And who would accompany me for a one-day trip to KL? It's unfair for them to pay the fare just to accompany me. Me would be selfish if me ask someone to do that!
So, settled the business with Taylor's and will go back to them with the completed PTPTN form, completed application form and a cheque of RM500. Will do it next week or later or maybe not at all (if me going to Monash Malaysia).
And there goes the morning... Reached home bout 1.30pm and read the newspaper. After checking some home loans from Bumiputra Commerce Bank, Southern Bank and Maybank - comparing to UOB, Maybank has a slightly lower interest rate. So one of these days, will head down to Maybank to enquire.
Me am leaving all these to God to make the decisions for I. Me have never done it alone. He has to help I because it was written in Proverbs 16:9, "A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." Me could have done this much and all these, but it's the LORD that decides for I.
Psalm 37:5 says, "Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass." Thus, if it is His will, I'm trusting the LORD to open ways for I (in every aspect - finance, emotion, accomodation, safety etc).

"Trust in the LORD, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37: 3-4

me prefer white daisies...

orange --'-<@

Nature's Beauty

pure... daisies..
my fav...

Dark circles...

Slept at 7.15 this morning... and woke up at 12pm. Couldn't sleep and stayed up the whole night surfing. Now, I see the dark circles and making me look horrible...Didn't wanna fuss goin down to turn the router on, so I used dial-up. The connection was so slow and I wondered how we tolerated with the speed of 52kbps connection before the birth of broadband.
This reminded me of how humans are becoming more and more express in their lives. The demand for instant food, fast-food, expressways, fast cash, prompt return of investment (ROI), get rich-quick scheme, make money fast, lose weight fast - instant this and instant that; quick this and quick that; fast this and fast that.

Isn't it ironic, how people only live once and they rush to the end of it. Do not be anxious or fret about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come after today. Live one day at a time and cherish each days that you have. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
So, leave everything to God, "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7. There is no where else safer than in the warm arms of the Almighty God.

I am not worried bout dark circles... I'm not worried bout pimples... the fats that's accumulating... I just made known to God that I want smooth baby skin with radiant complexion, etc. Because He is the best Creator... creating all of us beautiful in our own ways. I'm trusting God to make me who He intended me to be and NOT who I want to be. Trust the Lord and live one day at a time...

daily bread

God's Word

Praise unceasingly...

a piece from my heart ---'-<@

With the breath of life, a child was born,
By the grace of God the long waiting gone,
Thank God for the souls that may be drawn
by him as the grace of God fill the morn.

When the child started crawling to you,
Or slowly, wobbly walked towards you,
Thank God for she is the chosen of the few
to spread the Word of God beyond her view.

When the child learned to utter “daddy”,
Or even affectionately called “mummy”,
Thank God for His splendid grace and mercy
that he can praise and worship the Almighty.

When there’s a tear on her dress with lace,
Thank God for the freely given grace,
Yet also, that she may not cease to praise
the Lord, in times of sweet and bitter tastes.

The power of God’s grace, limit not,
For by His grace we are saved, not rot,
His grace is sufficient for us, is it not?
For grace is a gift, not earned or bought.

There's no much comfort than in His loving arms,
Unceasingly praise Him till the next day comes,
Just as King David did so, shout and sing Him psalms,
And prolong to worship Him till the day He comes.

Gracious Lord...

I've have been killing time in KUMON (where i work now). The kids are amazing but there are a few that really gets on my nerves. They seem to have a world of their own. They can't concentrate and wouldn't behave themselves. There is one student who would talk to himself and acts as if there was someone else playing with him. The real world seems oblivion to him. I was teaching him yesterday evening and looking at his behaviour, I prayed for patience and I prayed that the boy will be freed.

Giving birth to a child is painful enough and to see them walk in the ways not right with the Lord is even more painful. Parents have a heavy responsibility when they decide to carry the child. And without the grace and love of God, there is no way parents can go through the bumps.
I'm grateful that God shows His grace and mercy to both believers and unbelievers. When I was not protected by the blood of the Lamb, God still provides the air for me to breathe. It was free of charge to all mankind. Isn't God wonderful? His grace has brought life to generations and generations of man. Everything on earth was given free to all living creatures on earth. But we, humans, take things for granted, claiming this is mine and that is mine. When everything doesn't really belong to us. God created everything for us.

Simply put, anything that was free of charge is manipulated to make money. Education, which was once free, is now earning thousands and thousands of dollars (just for a piece of paper). Hospitals and clinics, which once provided free health care to the poor, are now profitting millions and millions of dollars. Without deposit, you are not attended. Humans are making money from their fellow brothers and money seems so important today that people are manipulating people for profits.

The world is becoming perverse, therefore "... put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do." Colossions 3:12-13.

Nothing is going to get better! Leaders are professing for world peace. But peace does not come from the world. You can only grasp the real peace from Jesus Christ because He is the Prince of Peace - Isaiah 9:6. Jesus says in John 14:27, "... My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." This is the real peace that only Christ can offer - the state of being calm, not worried or disturbed in any way.

Hold on to God's Words and promises. Matthew 24:35 says, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away." God's Word is a message to obey, not just to listen to. For if you just listen and don't obey, it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.